Jupiter Ascendant (ewwwwwwwwww)


ArcheAge Guild Master
JFF Member
Ok, so... I spelled it wrong... it's Jupiter Ascending....oopsie

We went to see this atom bomb of a movie this weekend.

The premise is good, and there could have been some great moments....HOWEVER.... See this movie ONLY if you have a couple hours of your life that absolutely need wasting.

The plot doesn't make much sense (bees know Royalty???) and there's way to much shirtless Channing Tatum. Yes, he's buff, and yes, he's can act given the right part (Anyone see Foxcatcher?) but I think there is more shirtlessness than there is action or special effects. In one scene, the shirtlessness takes on a humorous angle as you see Mr. Tatum with his abs relaxed and looking like he just came from a beer bash instead of the weight room.

Mila Kunis spends the entire movie being naive and clueless and Eddie Redmayne is trying to channel Marlon Brando as the Godfather but ends up sounding like he has a nasal issue instead of being overtly evil. Sean Bean actually does ok with his part, but given that he's meant to be the "Sidekick" there's not much to it.

The Good:
Special effects
Sean Bean ( yes, he's good even in this dog of a movie)
Score (even if it is overpowering a bit)

The Bad:
Pretty much everything else...

So, see it at your own risk, but I heartily recommend that you wait til one Sunday afternoon when the weather is crappy and you have the flu. That way you can blame the whole thing on having nothing else that you're capable of doing.
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Well-Known Member
JFF Member
JFF Supporter
I had heard this movie was bad. I'm glad that day I went and saw Taken 3 instead lol


JFF Member
I think with a different female lead this movie would have been better. I like the plot a lot. I enjoyed the bio engineering aspect of the movie as well no matter how improbable the combinations were. As for the bees it kind of makes sense with the plot, I'd say more but it would give away a big part of the move ;)